| Bill |
Topic |
Progress |
JMM Comments |
| HB 54
| Relating to the advertising, promoting, and conducting of certain live musical performance |
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Apparently, “many” touring bands claiming to be musical groups such as The Platters, The Drifters or other groups from the ‘50s and ‘60s actually don’t have any ties to the original artists. This bill would prohibit performances in Texas by bands that didn’t have at least one original member of the group. Seems to be a surreptitious way to ban the modern day Elvis from the building. |
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HB 68
| Relating to the creation of an anti-bullying hotline |
H Filed 11-13-06
H Introduced and referred to committee on House Appropriations 1-29-07 |
What ever happened to “my dad can beat up your dad”? Oh, that’s right, more than half our kids don’t live with their divorced dads anymore. |
| HB 106
| Relating to disclosure by a violent offender who operates an online business |
H Filed 11-13-06
H Introduced and referred to committee on House Criminal Jurisprudence 1-29-07 |
Would require violent offenders sentenced to community supervision to put this notice on any website they use to sell a product or service: THE OPERATOR OF THIS WEBSITE HAS BEEN CONVICTED OF OR RECEIVED A GRANT OF DEFERRED ADJUDICATION FOR AN OFFENSE DESCRIBED BY SECTION 3g, ARTICLE 42.12, CODE OF CRIMINAL PROCEDURE. There now, don’t you feel safer already? Or would you rather just get a good deal? |
| HB 167
| Relating to exempting a religious bible from attachment, execution, or other seizure for the satisfaction of debts |
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What cold-hearted, dipwad of a creditor kicked someone while they were down by forcibly removing the debtor’s choice of hope? But what happens if that Bible happens to be a very valuable collectible? Politics and religion have collided in the Property Code! |
| HB 227
| Relating to the operation of golf carts and side-by-side utility vehicles on municipal streets or county roads |
H Passed (Vote Y: 138/N: 1) 3-28-07
Received in the Senate - Referred to Senate Transportation & Homeland Security 4- 3-07 |
It is currently illegal to operate a golf cart on a city street or county road. This bill would allow cities and counties to make this decision. I can just see the campaigns now: “vote for me, and I’ll allow you to drive your golf cart or John Deere Gator from your house to the country club.” Too bad Johnny Cash isn’t around to write “I Drive The Line”about such injustice. Can’t you just picture the music video? |
| HB 241
| Relating to equipping each K-9 law enforcement vehicle with a heat alarm system |
H Filed 11-15-06
Introduced and referred to committee on House Law Enforcement 1-31-07 |
Would require each K-9 carrying vehicle to have an alarm system that would crack open the windows and set off an alarm and page the K-9's human partner when the interior temp gets dangerously high.....if a cop isn’t shrewd enough to take care of his own partner, how in the world is he gonna take care of me? |
| HB 254
| Relating to the expulsion of a public school student who engages in certain conduct off campus or while the student is not at a school-related activity |
H Filed 11-15-06
Introduced and referred to committee on House Public Education 1-31-07 |
Would require expulsion of a student who committed certain criminal acts while not on the school campus or extra-curricular activity. I’m thinking perhaps sending them to a “special secured campus” (a/k/a jail) would sufficiently remove them from school. |
| HB 435
| Relating to the detection and monitoring of a cellular telephone in the possession of or used by an inmate or state jail defendant |
H Set on the House Calendar 5-10-07 |
Would you believe that criminals smuggle into prisons, and hide, cellphones for the purpose of continuing to participate in and direct criminal activities? This bill would supposedly “negate any imagined expectation of privacy that an offender might have in a cellular telephone located in a correctional facility.” How about having regularly random body cavity searches? I hope law enforcement really didn’t need this bill. |
| HB 693
| Relating to the form of "Welcome to Texas" signs along certain highways |
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In 2005, the Legislature changed the form of our welcome signs to boast of Texas being the home of the Prez commonly known as “W”. This session, somebody realized some other Texan could be elected as Prez in the future, so we had to change the statute to add back in some flexibility. Talk about micromanagement. And optimism. Do you think someone whose initials are Kay Bailey Hutchison supported this? |
| HB 937
| Relating to an exemption from the payment of a toll for an authorized emergency vehicle |
H Passed (Vote Y: 144/N: 0) 3-15-07
S Received in the Senate - Referred to Senate Transportation & Homeland Security 4- 3-07 |
Under the radar screen of the fuss about toll roads is the fact that some toll authorities require police, fire, medical, and other emergency vehicles to pay a toll unless they are pursuing a suspect, responding to an emergency, or displaying a flashing light. All over a buck or so. How do you know what’s up? Here’s an idea-exempt all police and emergency vehicles, marked or unmarked, from paying a toll regardless of whether they are responding to an emergency or displaying a flashing light. But something about this bill made too much sense for it to pass. Next time you call an ambulance, if you live near a tollway make sure to tell them to “turn the light on for you.” |
| HB 995
| Relating to civil and criminal consequences of riding on a coasting motor vehicle without an operator |
House: Filed 1-31-07, referred to committee on House Transportation 2-12-07; never made it out of committee |
Could the caption be any more indicative of absolutely stupid behavior? Maybe at least some of these people get what they deserve. The real problem here is the innocent bystander. The first offense would have been a Class B misdemeanor, and the next one would have elevated the Einstein to Class A Moron. Other factors would have increased the penalty even higher. |
| HB 1122
| Relating to efficiency standards for certain appliances |
House: Filed 1-31-07, referred to committee on House Transportation 2-12-07; never made it out of committee |
If you were to read this bill, no later than about 20% into it you would say “what the [insert exclamation word of your choice]!?” This would have required the Comptroller to determine and set minimum efficiency standards by 9-1-2008 for some of these appliances: bottle-type water dispensers; commercial hot food holding cabinets; compact audio products; DVD players and recorders; metal halide lamp fixtures; portable electric spas; residential pool pumps; single-voltage external AC to DC power supplies; state-regulated incandescent reflector lamps; walk-in refrigerators and freezers; and any other products that are designated by the comptroller. Expected electricity savings? $2.2 billion Mastercard dollars over 25 years. Expected problems with interstate commerce? Priceless. |
| HB 1154
| Relating to the promotion of breast-feeding and the prohibition against interference with or restriction of the right to breast-feed |
H Filed 2- 6-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Public Health 2-13-07 Meeting set for 8:00 A.M., E2.036 -- House Public Health 4- 4-07 |
Don’t you just wish this bill could have gotten to the House floor for a debate about breasts among our elected politically correct experts (well, some anyway)? The bill was intended to ensure the right to breast feed in public. Individuals who interfered would receive a warning the first time and a $250 fine for the second offense. The House Committee on Public Health discussed that breast milk is the best nutrition for infants and it could save up to $3.6 billion in health care costs. But concern was voiced because the bill did not differentiate between employee and employer. And there was concern that the bill did not require signage of the mother's right to breast feed. Can you just imagine seeing signs all over town notifying you of a woman’s right to breast feed and warning you not to interfere? And what kind of international symbol would they eventually have come up with? |
| HB 1176
| Relating to providing that a municipality may allow a municipal fire marshal or arson investigator to travel in an unmarked municipal vehicle when performing official duties |
H Passed on local calendar (Vote Y: 146/N: 0) 3-22-07
S Received in the Senate - Referred to Senate Intergovernmental Relations 3-29-07 |
Seems reasonable enough, but even though the marking of these vehicles “may very well hinder the apprehension and/or timely prosecution of criminals in numerous cases across the State,” per the bill analysis, this bill died in the Senate. |
| HB 1211
| Relating to vehicles passing certain stationary vehicles engaged in the delivery of United States mail on a highway |
H Filed 2- 7-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Transportation 2-13-07 |
To pass a mail delivery truck, one would have to move into the left lane and slow to 20 mph slower than the posted speed but not less than 5 mph. Safety for the mail carrier, but could have caused dangerous situations for inattentive drivers. In NASCAR lingo we’d have heard “I checked up, he wuudn’t payin’ no attention and just ran right into the back of me.” |
| HB 1258
| Relating to the prosecution of the offense of interference with police service animals |
H Filed 2- 8-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Criminal Jurisprudence 2-14-07
Meeting set for 8:00 A.M., E2.016 -- House Criminal Jurisprudence 4-17-07 |
This bill would have increased the penalty of killing or intending to kill a police dog from a 3rd degree felony to a 2nd degree felony. It reportedly costs over $40,000 to acquire and train a police dog. Maybe we should just add a reimbursement element to the crime, but either way something needs to change because this bill never even made it out of any committee. |
| HB 1309
| Relating to the possession or transportation of certain snakes that are not indigenous to this country |
House: Passed (Vote Y: 132/N: 5), 5- 9-07
Senate voted favorably from Senate Natural Resources Committee, May 22, 2007 |
I hate snakes. But one of the sexiest sites I ever saw was a pet snake of some sort wrap itself up my wife’s arm. I have no explanation for it, probably some ying-yang thang. This bill would have required a person to obtain a permit from Texas Parks & Wildlife before possessing or transporting nonindigenous venomous snakes or certain constrictors. The concern, you see, is that there isn’t enough anti-venom to treat snake bites. Better hope we don’t run out for 2 more years until the 81st legislature takes another strike at this one. |
| HB 1337
| Relating to the use of the term "seminary" in the official name or title of a private postsecondary educational institution |
H Filed 2-12-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Higher Education 2-14-07 |
Why would any non-seminary want to use that term in its name? To defraud, perhaps? Matthew 10: 16 says “...be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” Well, recruits, here’s your first test. Check out the school that wants your money. And you’ll be on your own for awhile yet, because this bill was never even heard in committee. |
| HB 1345
| Relating to a school district policy for responding to a train derailment near a district school |
H Filed 2-12-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Public Education 2-14-07 |
Do we really need to direct our educators to prepare for a train derailment if the school is located within 300 feet of a railroad track? Can’t the smart people figure this out on their own without the collective wisdom and advice of Austin? Yet another example of proposed micromanagement. |
| HB 1419
| Relating to a prohibition against changing the name of a public institution of higher education that is named after a state historical figure |
H Filed 2-13-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Higher Education 2-19-07
Meeting set for 8:00 A.M., JHR 120 -- House Higher Education 4- 2-07 |
Remember the hostile takeovers of the ‘80s? The Wall Street Journal had better plot lines than Desperate Housewives could ever hope for. Well, Sam Houston State University is worried that a takeover by the Texas State University system, would include changing its name as part of a “branding effort.” And given the fate of this bill, they’re still worried. But they at least came up with a bill caption that really pulls at the ol’ heartstrings. |
| HB 1547
| Relating to inclusion of pets and other companion animals in protective orders |
H Reported from committee as substituted House Juvenile Justice and Family Issues 4-16-07 |
Oh please. Divorce is bad enough, been there, done that. Paid out the wazzu to remove my ex’s teeth from my derriere. There’s enough to fight about already; do the divorce lawyers really need a new source of revenue by officially adding Fido and Tiger to the mix? |
| HB 1717
| Relating to the identification requirements for any device with the appearance of a fire hydrant that is nonfunctioning or otherwise unavailable for use in a fire emergency |
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This bill requires the owner of any device that looks like a fire hydrant to either paint it black or cover it with a black tarp if the hydrant does not function (either temporarily or permanently) or if the hydrant pumps less than 250 gallons of water per minute. As the bill was being considered in the House Committee on Urban Affairs on March 7, the author quipped something to the effect of “if something looks and walks like a duck, then it ought to quack like a duck......the same holds true for fire hydrants.” And sometimes that’s just how ducky new legislation gets made. |
| HB 1810
| Relating to the circumstances under which consent to the taking of a specimen of the breath or blood of a person arrested for certain intoxication offense is implied |
H Reported favorably from committee on House Criminal Jurisprudence 5- 1-07
Set on the House Calendar 5-10-07 |
Prohibition in this millennium is spelled “MADD.” No Texas law requires habitually drunk drivers to provide a breath or blood sample. Even if there is a long history of drinking and driving, Texas law permits the driver to refuse to provide a breath or blood sample. Presently, nearly half of all drunk drivers in Texas refuse to provide a breath or blood sample when arrested for DWI. This bill would have required drivers with 2 prior DWI arrests to provide blood or breath samples. Notice it said “arrests” and not “convictions.” Perhaps that over-eagerness doomed its passage this session. |
| HB 1828
| Relating to requiring courts to report the number of frivolous lawsuits filed each year |
H Filed 2-22-07
H Introduced and referred to committee on House Judiciary 2-27-07 |
Trying to identify a lawsuit as “frivolous” is about as easy as passing a camel through the eye of a needle. Getting judges on record about this would probably be even more difficult. Besides, last session’s Tort Reform eliminated a ton of candidates already. |
| HB 1983
| Relating to the number of people riding on a motorcycle |
H Filed 2-26-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House Transportation 3- 5-07 |
“How many people can you fit in a telephone booth” is funny. Trying the same sort of stunt with a running motorcycle is ludicrous. Why do we need legislation to tell folks this? Apparently someone thinks we now need to increase the penalties because we still don’t have everyone’s attention. |
| HB 2127
| Relating to the operation of all-terrain vehicles in connection with utility work |
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Companies that do the same thing are often treated differently by the law. This bill evened the playing field for private utility companies, allowing them the same benefits as municipal utility companies and agricultural workers. If we focused on purpose instead of process we’d have fewer of these problems. |
| HB 2623
| Relating to the cancellation of a dating service contract within a certain period after execution of the contract |
H Passed on local calendar (Vote Y: 147/N: 0) 5- 2-07
S Received in the Senate - Referred to Senate Business and Commerce 5- 7-07 |
Can’t you just hear Mr. T spouting “I PITY TH” FOOL!” Here’s the “logic.” Texas allows consumers 3 days to cancel a health spa contract. This bill would apply the same concept to dating service contracts. So people could stay up 24-3 after signing a contract checking out the “meat” in the “market” and , if it turned out to be chopped liver.....well, they didn’t get any help from this Legislature. |
| HB 3165
| Relating to medically accurate information in the provision of instruction or the development of material relating to human development and human sexuality |
H Filed 3- 8-07
Introduced and referred to committee on House State Affairs 3-19-07 |
This bill would have required anybody receiving state money to provide human development or human sexuality instruction, including but not limited to sex education, family life education, abstinence-only education, health education; and character education, to use “information supported by the weight of peer-reviewed research conducted in compliance with accepted scientific methods and recognized as accurate and objective by leading professional organizations and agencies with relevant expertise in the field.” This sounds like one of the most unworkable standards I’ve ever heard. |
| HB 3623
| Relating to requiring certain barbers and cosmetologists to have a product available to reverse certain hair damage |
H Filed 3- 9-07
Introduced and referred to committee on Licensing and Administrative Procedures 3-21-07 |
You just have to wonder if a legislator had some personal experience with this one. Somebody hoped it would become effective immediately upon passage but it never even got a hearing in committee. |
| HB 3845
| Relating to the possession, custody, or control of a cougar, bobcat or coyote |
H Passed (Vote Y: 139/N: 0) 5-11-07
Received in the Senate 5-14-07
Referred to Senate Committee on Senate Natural Resources 5-15-07 |
As our population explodes and encroaches on natural habitat, predator animal control becomes more and more important as a safety issue. This bill would have allowed a person practicing predator or depredation control of cougars, bobcats, or coyotes to be able to trap or capture the animal, transfer it to another person permitted to received the animal, or specialize in lure production or dog training as the activities relate to predator or depredation control. Lest we forget, this is Texas, and that means we love us some huntin’. But this Leg probably ran out of time to fix this. |
| HCR 24
| Relating to the State of Texas hereby request all public school districts consult local stakeholders, and establish a recess policy for elementary schools that reflects research findings on the importance of play |
H Filed 1- 8-07
H Introduced and referred to committee on House Public Education 2- 7-07 |
Reading the relatively lengthy preamble of this resolution, parents can’t help but say “Amen” to parts and “Huh?” to others. Here are some quotes: “[t]he development of children’s perceptual abilities may suffer when so much of their experience is gained through television, computers, books, work sheets, and media that require only two senses” [AMEN!]; “[p]lay reduces the tension that often comes with having to achieve or needing to learn; in play, adults do not interfere, and children relax ;” [so, adult instruction to achieve is actually “interference” which causes anxiety-HUH?]; “[r]esearch suggests that children’s participation in vigorous physical activity in the schoolyard surpasses that which occurs during structured physical education classes; this activity can thwart the onset of cardiovascular disease and diabetes to which overweight children become prone as adults” [so, why don’t we change structured phys ed classes-HUH?]. And on it goes. |
| HCR 81
| Relating to the 80th Legislature of the State of Texas hereby designating Denver Harbor, aka Podunk, as the official Mythical Town of Texas |
H Passed on local calendar 5- 8-07
S Referred to Senate Committee on Senate Government Organization 5-10-07 |
There’s an area in modern day Northeast Houston named Denver Harbor. As the Great Depression of the 1930s drew to an end, a “curious occurrence” lifted the spirits of this beleaguered community: on June 1, 1939, the morning sun revealed the word “Podunk” painted on the formerly blank side of the local water tower. The city tried repeatedly to cover over the word, but the name would always reappear within a few days. Inspired by the “spunky defiance” of the sign’s unknown painter, area residents soon began calling themselves “Podunkers,” and the name was even adopted by a youth basketball team, the Podunk Skunks. The story of this resilient neighborhood is told in the book Where the Hell Is Podunk, Texas? This resolution would have named Podunk a mythical place, but it seems to me the place is alive and kicking. Camelot would be an example of a mythical place. |
| SB 35
| Relating to a purchasing preference for contractors who provide foods of higher nutritional value and who do not provide foods containing trans fatty acids |
Senate: Passed on local calendar (Vote Y: 30/N: 0) 3-28-07
House: Reported favorably from committee on House Government Reform 5-11-07
Set on the House Calendar 5-22-07 |
This was yet another attempt to fight obesity. It would authorize certain state agencies to give preference during a bidding process to food vendors that offer food of higher nutritional value that is to be served in public sector cafeterias. |
| SB 254
| Relating to the sale of live animals on a public highway or road, the right-of-way of a public highway or road, or a parking lot |
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Apparently this is not a problem in rural areas, because it only applies to our biggest cities. Obviously, in the cities, these roadside sales can disrupt traffic. But this bill also notes that roadside sales circumvent mechanisms for ensuring that a pet is appropriately registered, vaccinated, and spayed or neutered. Yet another casualty to “buyer beware” a/k/a “caveat emptor.” |
| SB 369
| Relating to the readability of vehicle license plates according to standards set by the Texas Department of Transportation |
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This was a legislative “do over.” Last session, the Leg passed a law that many police officers interpreted as outlawing every license plate holder. No “GO COWBOYS”, political messages, or NASCAR Nation. You can imagine the backlash that resulted in this bill passing. |
| SB 672
| Relating to distribution of sexual barrier protection devices to inmates and state jail defendants confined in facilities operated by or under contract with the Texas Department of Criminal Justice |
Senate Filed 2-15-07
Introduced and referred to committee on Senate Criminal Justice 2-28-07 |
This bill would have required our state prison system to distribute condoms to inmates via “discreet locations” AND provides for their disposal in a manner that protects the anonymity of inmates and the health of corrections dept. personnel. This idea didn’t get very far. |
